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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

2013 Investment Newsletter

At the start of a new year I review my investing decisions and trading patterns of the preceding year. I have noted statistically meaningful information in my methods. The results are so definite and predictive that I am considering the start of an investor’s news letter. The premise is simple, I identify an excellent stock buy, and then the reader should immediately sell or short this stock. Based on last year’s history, this is a certain winning strategy.
2013 will offer many challenges for the small retail investor. We started with the fiscal cliff, next the debt ceiling then the automatic spending cuts of sequestration. All this nonsense within the next few months will most likely result in kicking the can down the road, which resolves nothing but does maintains the integrity of Congress, all rendering common sense investment judgment useless.
The idea that doing the opposite of any advice provided by an investment newsletter is not particularly original based on the performance of last year. Where I will differ from the crowd is in stating upfront that you should do the opposite of what I suggest. This will undoubtedly produce superior results for my subscribers, and provide me with some positive income.
In addition to using my personal financial instincts, I will commit to hiring a Nobel Laureate in economics along with several Harvard PhDs, thus insuring the highest professional level of incompetent financial advice. Not a unique business plan, the banks have been using failure to create large individual bonuses since 2008.
Alternately, I could purchase index funds that track the DOW or the S&P. This would insure a market wide crash, creating a systemic risk to the world economy, in turn forcing the America taxpayer to pay me to not buy any index funds. I would charge a fraction of the ransom being extorted by the bankers, and top it off by actually paying some taxes instead of suing the tax payer for saving me.
This most excellent service is a $25,000 per year value, for the first 100 applications the annual fee will be just $995 per year. But wait, there is more. Your membership will include our latest book, “Secrets of Super Wealthy Bankers”, where we reveal how to setup a banking concern to laundry the funds of terrorist and drug lords, recent court rulings in the HSBC case have establish this as a crime without any punishment. But wait, there is even more. For a limited time only, we will show you how to write worthless loans, backed by tax payers for a huge profit. But wait, there is much more. You will receive your own personal congressman who will write a law exempting you for ALL taxes.
Payment accepted only in gold, platinum or silver coin, minted by a foreign government.

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