My wife bought me a new car. Not
the car I wanted, I wanted a Corvette, after some negotiating and a considerable
reduction in my desires. She purchased a Mini Cooper S model. It is certainly
debatable whether this is my car or if I got her old car. She has a big red
school bus, a Honda Element that now seems to be my principle ride. I get to
buy gasoline for both vehicles, maintain the tire pressure and oil level. Heck
of a deal.
The new Mini Cooper has 160 on the speedometer.
That is American MPH, not that lame French KPH, 160 all the way over in the
five o’clock position. It has a “Sport” setting for engine and another “Sport”
setting for suspension. It drives like a go cart on cocaine.
I needed to find a piece of road
with a 160 MPH speed limit.
Cruising the local roadways the
best available was 75 MPH, and that was crowded with rush hour traffic moving
at 25 MPH. Pulling onto the shoulder I nailed the throttle and then had to
immediately stand on the brakes, someone was changing a flat tire.
Returning to the fast lane, which
was now blazing at 35 MPH, I spotted a police car ahead. Weaving through the
traffic I pulled in behind the cop, flipped on my 4 way blinkers and motioned for
him to pull over.
He pulled onto a side road with me
2 feet off his rear. I slowly step out of my Mini Cooper and saunter forward.
Approaching the policeman, and using a deep male command voice, I say.
“Remain in your vehicle, Sir.”
He looks at me.
“Do you know why I have stopped
you, Sir?”
He looks at me.
“I need a public roadway with a 160
MPH limit, Sir.”
He loosens the safety on his hand gun.
Police are unfamiliar with the protocol of being pulled over. I decide to let
him off with a warning, this time.
Using Google map I locate an abandoned
air strip and immediately planned a high speed test run. The old air strip is located
down some really old roads. Road maintenance is a low priority in my county, one
of the many benefits of our low tax rate. We have one old guy with a wheel
barrel. He is near retirement and his commitment questionable. He says he is
taking the shovel with him upon retirement. The county has reduced the pay
scale for road maintenance and his new apprentice doesn’t speak English, he is
not an illegal, he is a Texas high school graduate. The entire road maintenance
crew (both of them) had been dispatched to fix one of the small pot holes on
this really old road. The wheel barrel was stuck in big pot hole. As I passed,
they communicated to me with hand signals, a single digit hand signal, I took
this to mean I could only use one lane. The farm tractor approaching had the
same understanding. I quickly engaged the “Sport” suspension setting and weave
between pot holes, sliding pass the farm tractor I find hay bales throw off the
trailer by pot holes, I miss the first one, miss the second one, nail the third
one dead on, the one that had been sitting in cow dung. Now I would have to
wash my new car.
I finally arrived, more or less safely,
at the abandoned air field. The local motorized hang glider club is arranged
from end to end, sorta hanging out, ya know. A few more were hanging in trees
around the edge of the air strip.
I didn’t like their plan of
attaching collapsible cloth wings atop the Mini Cooper and racing off that
shaky ramp they had constructed. I did hang out for a while, placing bets on
which would clear the trees.
Returning home the wife got upset
with me. I had forgotten to pick up that quart of milk.
5 comments:
Yey for your new car! Aren't you happy with what your wife gave you? Why don't you trade-in your wife's car and buy the Corvette that you like then give the Mini Cooper to her? Haha! Anyways, have fun driving and smelling your new car smell. Have a safe trip!
That is quite the story. For a minute, it left me wondering if this really happened, or if this is perhaps your take at creative storytelling. If it really happened, then boy, that was quite an adventure! But if not, I must say you’ve got a creative mind and a good humor. You have the potential of becoming a bestselling author! But I’d wish you’d include more cars in your stories next time. ;)
Your wife sure knows how to make a good deal. LOL! But in all fairness, a Mini Cooper S has a delightful styling and has a sports car handling, which, I believe, is a few features close to a Corvette. Cheer up, Paul! It’s either that or nothing at all. ^_____^
Ivo Beutler
I remember your corvette...hell of a ride. Still have it?
To Frank.
The 1978 L82 Vette was sold. Would not burn the newer gas.
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