Another Sunday, another set of NFL football games. Sunday afternoon has become my favorite part of the week, especially if the home town team is winning.
I have noted a strange correlation between myself and unrelated external events. Whenever I can watch the home team play real-time, they loss, if I miss the game, learning the final score days later, they win. For the Houston Texans to win, I have to miss the game.
A mysterious metaphysical relationship exist between my passive inaction and the sporting outcome. Even more confounding, this seems a lifelong trend over a broad range of possibilities. When I buy a stock, the value drops, when I sell a stock, the value increases. When I purchase a new car, there is a manufacture’s recall. Whenever I change employer, the new company quickly develops financial problems. Any politician I vote for losses the election. Clothing I buy goes out of style. It never rains when I carry an umbrella. The list is endless and the correlations absolute.
This recent insight has left me thunder struck, I possess power almost beyond imaging. I can ruin political careers, end dynasties, alter weather, create market wealth, destroy national economies, and shape the future of fashion. It appears I have power without limit.
With great power comes great responsibly. How can I use my immense powers to improve the lot of Mankind? The advancement of civilization rest on my shoulders alone. Imagine living with that burden! As a metaphysical process the detailed cause and effect relationship is unknowable. I need a name for this phenomena, this warped marvel of reality, I will call it “The Force”.
Then I realize there is a dark side to The Force. If I use it to extract billions from Goldman Sachs, the final bill will be paid by the American taxpayer, if I use The Force to give the Houston Texans a perfect season, other teams have to loss. The Force is governed by some conservation of good vs. bad prosperity. In the end it all balances out, with the final equation equaling zero.
For now, I will keep my powder dry, but don’t mess with me, I can seriously hurt you.