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Tuesday, December 29, 2015

2016 New Year Wish List

Ring out the old and bring in the new. Goodbye 2015, hello 2016. You can’t run from the future so you might as well run toward it, embrace the future. These are my humble wishes for the New Year.

-          Hillary wins.

-          Hillary selects me as vice-president, then resigns as President.

-          I declare world peace, decree free everything to everyone, close Gitmo, confiscate all guns, and commit the entire federal budget to NASA.

-          Federal tax code is rewritten to no more than 10 pages.

-          Politicians stop complaining about the national debt and start paying it off.

-          I select Elon Musk as vice-president and then retire to Cape Canaveral.

-          Republicans admit defeat then self-deport.

-          ISIS leads a peaceful reformation of Islam.

-          There is an eighth Harry Potter book.

-          My neighbor will return that lawn mower he borrowed last spring.

-          I get a discount on mower repair.

-          Republicans will discover that Obama is not Muslim.

-          2016 will be the hottest year yet, but only during winter time.

-          The secret OneWorldGovernment still won’t exist.

-          The Houston Texans win more than they lose.

-          The Houston Texans find a good quarter back and a great running back.

-          Paleontologist find the missing link and the young-earth creationist apologize to the rest of us.

-          Physicist figure out what actually banged during the Big Bang.

-          Horticulturist develop a new wheat that taste exactly like prime steak.

-          I quit smoking.

-          Physicians discover that biscuits and gravy cures diabetes.

This is my short list of 2016 wishes, feel free to add your own dreams. Let there be peace on earth, goodwill to all.

Monday, December 28, 2015

ISIS doesn’t scare me.

I must admit, I don’t understand the threat or the solution. Politicians and pundits agree that we face an existential threat to our culture and nation. I am called to a war without personal cost or discomfort, we will get other countries to fight it and pay for it. My destruction by terrorist is certain, but the Saudi government will save us with their soldiers and oil money. American conservatives with their huge brains and razor sharp critical thinking skills proclaim “ISIS will conquer America, replacing our constitution with sharia law”, I just don’t see how any of this is possible.

Militarily, ISIS is an armed mob without any air force or navy. A self-proclaimed caliphate without any CIA, FBI or NSA. A government that can’t pick up the trash, repair roadways, or keep the water and electricity operational. They collect their taxes with a bayonet, and enforce their law with beheadings. They have no industrial capacity to build tanks or artillery, they can’t mass produce bullets or antibiotics. ISIS can’t even defeat the Kurds.

The only advantage/asset that ISIS has is fear. Our morale is their target.

ISIS leadership is well aware of all this, they will never meet us on the battle field, they will never challenge us in the market, they will never allow fair and honest elections. They survive on media coverage, they need us frightened and jumping at shadows.

Perhaps that is my problem, ISIS doesn’t scare me. I worry more about some random traffic accident, living on the gulf coast I worry about hurricanes not ISIS. For conservatives if you shout ISIS! They will jump in the air screaming WHERE!! WHERE!!, then land and shake in their boots. I don’t have the required mental wiring to be a conservative. I actually think that having a Mr. Tough Guy President that will make “sand glow” or will “bomb the sh*t out of them” is rather simplistic, even stupid. But then, I am a Low-Information-Voter and can’t figure things out for myself, I only believe those things my masters tell me to believe. Or so I am told by conservatives.

The most successful tactic for ISIS is fear, and the best tactic for republican politicians is fear. There is a symbiotic relationship, without ISIS the politician has no campaign, without the politician ISIS has no barker, without fear neither has anything. Without fear both become irrelevant, little more than an irritant, and occasionally a terrible tragedy.

The republican candidates promise another war, another invasion of Iraq, one more time, we’ll get it right this time. War using borrowed money with soldiers worn thin by multiple deployments. This approach has an unbroken record of failure. Some blame President Bush, others blame President Obama, but I blame both. Since 1941 we have built a military designed to defeat any major world power, a well-trained and well equipped professional army to defeat another well-trained and well equipped professional army. Now we face an armed mob hiding among civilians which befuddles our generals. We will not slaughter unarmed civilians for no military gain. Yes, in WW2 we leveled Dresden, Hiroshima and Nagasaki, killing hundreds of thousands of unarmed civilians, and that ended the war. Would leveling Aleppo, Damascus and Baghdad end the war with ISIS? Or would it strengthen ISIS, and create more recruits?

We do not have the correct institutions to fight an ISIS type organization. We have the institutions to defeat Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan.

President Obama has developed a Fabian strategy. Since they won’t face us in a decisive battle, he is trying to harass them with skirmishes, disrupt their money flows and oil sales, striking the leadership and small gatherings when and where we can find them. Unfortunately, the American public wants to see shock and awe, we want a 5 minute news bite on the evening news cast, or 10 minutes on the endless cable news broadcast, followed with instant analysis by some expert. We want the expert pundit to say exactly what we want to hear, and we want this without having to pay any war taxes or send any family member to the war zone.

Our politicians understand all this and see opportunity. They will scare us and then promise to “make sand glow”, and “bomb the sh*t out of them”. The talking heads tell us this will work, or that it won’t work, depending on what their audience wants to hear. The charlatan gets rich, the politician gets elected and the foot soldier gets the shaft. Meanwhile we get a titillating little scare without facing any real danger nor any financial cost.

ISIS is not a creditable threat to America and eventually they will be destroyed. Then there will be another outlaw terrorist bunch and we will start all over, and I still won't be scare.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

What the data tells us

While watching the college bowl games I decided to do something useful with my life. I started some basic research. The computational power available to the causal amateur scientist today is extraordinary, using my skills as a polymath I would put it to use.

I entered all the accumulated knowledge of mankind. All chemistry, all physics, all songs, all election results, all athletic contests, all weather reports, all biology, all archology, all medical knowledge, all everything. The data was easily downloaded from the internet, basically I copied Wikipedia. Using some statistical analysis programs I looked for meaningful correlations, expected future outcomes, and the meaning of life.

I was shocked by the results.

-          If the University of Houston wins the Chick-Fil-A Bowl on Thursday, December 31, Hillary Clinton will be America’s first female president.

-          Clinton wins election, republicans file impeachment.

-          If Texas succeeds from the Union, Austin will burn itself to the ground, then salt the ashes so nothing ever grows there again.

-          Hats will make a fashion comeback.

-          Women will quit wearing high heels, moving to day glow sneakers.

-          Geneticists will cross chickens and pigs, creating a healthy bacon that taste like chicken … oh yeah, and pigs will fly.

-          Trump advocates war with Berzerkistan

-          CNN reporter ask where Berzerkisatn is located, Trump deplores anti-republican biases in Lame-Stream-Media, poll numbers increase.

-          Republican war hawks declare war on Austin, demanding liberals return the University of Texas.

-          Republican Presidential candidates declare World War III on a country to be identified later.

-          President Obama releases his real American birth certificate, laughing at the right wing birthers and hums “suckered you, fools”.

-          Archeologist discover that Christ was born on the 4th of July.

-          Nefarious One World Government will be purchased by Amazon. Amazon introduces “Buy with one click” politician.

-          The United Nations will be purchased by Google.

-          The European Union will be purchased by Microsoft.

-          JPMorgan Chase transfers America to Goldman Sachs in exchange for sacks of gold.

-          Apple buys the rest of the world.

-          Amazon, Google and Microsoft compete to produce the first nonpolluting, all electric truth-telling politician. Elon Musk notes this is not even theoretically possible or he would have already built one.

-          Lady Gaga is Elvis Presley’s love child.

-          Allah converts to Buddhism, Republicans declare war on India and ban Buddhist immigrants. Borrow funds from China to finance war. Speed of war declaration sets new Guinness World Record.

-          Santa Claus is real, drowns when artic ice melts.

-          Republicans repeal second law of thermodynamics, refuses to allow first law of thermodynamics into America. Declaring American exceptionalism will not be defeated by foreign ideas.

-          Republicans praise all volunteer army, declare “fight till you die” deployment policy. Senator Cruz tells Rush Limbaugh that dead soldiers don’t draw a pension. Rush applauds republican fiscal responsibility.

-          Republican Christians demand Muslim war during “Peace on Earth – Goodwill to all mankind” Christmas celebration.

-          Climate change hockey stick graph is verified, republicans ban hockey sticks.

-          War on women joined by war on science, republicans’ borrow money from China to celebrate.

Darn it! The HP printer just broke, sorry I can’t print the rest of my discoveries, and there are pages and pages of them. I will continue to mine the world’s data and provide any additional discoveries as I discover them, and get a new printer.

Later, dude.

Monday, December 14, 2015

News You Can Use

News you can use.

I’ve been on vacation and only had access to CNN international and Fox News. This week’s NEWS update will have to be brief.

-          Texas plans succession from America.

-          Austin plans succession from Texas.

-          San Antonio plans relocation to Mexico.

-          Houston remains clueless.

-          Shootout in Waco by rival biker gangs results in nine dead, NRA proclaims guns makes us safer.

-          Terrorist on “no fly” list allowed to legally purchase guns, 2nd amendment protects us all.

-          Donald Trump leads in the Republican primary.

-          Windows 10 automatically updated my old computer, had to buy new computer.

-          Global terrorist are the newest ground troops for the NewWorldOrder (NWO)

-          Two year old girl killed by stray bullets in drive by shooting, NRA demands all new born receive a 9mm Glock with a birthright Concealed Gun Carry permit, supplied by taxpayer money.

-          Republican presidential candidates reveal their newest federal budget proposals, proclaim their target of a $30 trillion national debt will finally “Starve the Beast”.

-          Earlier sunsets blamed on global warming, proposed solutions will correct problem shortly before Christmas.

-          Later sunsets will continue until midsummer because of global warming.

-          Global warming deniers discover secret emails that were never written by anyone.

-          Pyramids are vast hollow warehouses, used to store the NWO drones.

-          Scientist discover Underground chambers at Stonehenge where Loch Ness monster hibernates.

-          COP21 meeting in Paris reaches agreement no one has to follow.

-          Congressional republicans plan to not follow COP21 agreement.

-          Congressional republicans plan to do something, because … ah, well, something. (I’ll get back to you when I figure it out)

-          In the republican primary the shyster Cuban lawyer in closing in on the cranky New Yorker.

That’s it for now, tomorrow is my least favorite vacation day. I’ll be traveling back to Houston.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

The NewWorldOrder - Part 2

Relaxing in my hammock, I continue thinking about the NewWorldOrder problem. I had originally concluded that it was impossible. I had been thinking in political terms, thinking about armies and air forces followed by government administrators. I was thinking of America’s attempts to spread the blessings of equal rights and self-determination with cruise missiles and F-15s. That is, I think, misguided and short-sighted and will ultimately fail.

I had failed to consider religion as a factor in the NewWorldOrder. I had missed the greatest religion mankind has ever imagined, Capitalism and its principle god, Money. The holy sacraments of Supply and Demand combined with the liturgy of Carried Interest Rates can subjugate any nation, enslave any community, and defeat any rebel. I realize now that I had not been thinking big enough.

Our current nemesis is ISIS, they are determined to destroy America and bring us under the sway of sharia law. They reject our Greco Roman heritage, wishing to replace it with their Arabic Islamic heritage. They curse all things Western ... except money. They work daily to increase their money, they worship at the altar of international trade, and they advertise their capitalist success. They don’t realize they have already lost, welcome to the NewWorldOrder brother.

The NewWorldOrder is not just possible, it has already conquered. We all know that money is imaginary, government issued colored paper with no intrinsic value. I only accept it because I believe you will accept it from me. Money is a mass hallucination we all accept, including the most deadly foes of Western democracy.

I am on a sandy Caribbean beach, swinging gently in a hammock, expanding my cultural horizons with a cold cerveza, all acquired with pesos’. Dollars or Euros would also work, but the money priest (bankers) explain that I should convert to the local denomination in the interest of financial efficiency. The priest get a tithe by preforming the miracle of financial efficiency, with the skill of an alchemist they convert dollars into pesos, now I have different government colored paper. I feel so much better now.

The world will not be conquered by armies, it will be subdued by accountants, then ruled by stock brokers. Relax brothers and sisters, it is all for your own good.

Monday, December 7, 2015

The New World Order is coming for YOU!

It has been a long road to the current threat of a NewWorldOrder. This is a brief outline of the story.

Nine thousand years before the present, the world’s first city, with at least 150 mud brick dwellings and several thousand permanent inhabitants, existed in a central Anatolia (Current day Turkey) marshy plain. Catalhoyuk was really more of a village than a city, but archaeology has to start somewhere, and Catalhoyuk is described as a community “at the threshold of civilization.”

The first true cities came into being in the Tigris-Euphrates (current day Syria and Iraq). Humans rather quickly invented inequality, state organized warfare, taxes, and centralized population control. We divided into those who cook the gravy and those who eat the gravy. At the time there was no preexisting model to study or build from, no existing template for civilization. These original starting points of civilization developed by a trial and error approach from tribes that gave up the hunter-gatherer life style and became sedentary, agriculture was another invention for which no template existed. All this required maybe 2,000 years before we get Babylon and Uruk. Basically those organizations successful at warfare replaced those organization that were not successful at warfare, this was the process that created the first city states and civilization. Plus a lot of dead soldiers.

Another thing present from the beginning was elites determined to rule the world. Kingdoms eventually become empires, but no one has every ruled the world. The elites never gave up the dream, Alexander the Great, Caesar, Genghis Khan, Queen Elizabeth I, Napoleon and now Donald Trump all harbor the aspiration.

Elites have tried everything from a highly-centralized system of control and authority, to a diffused system of semi-independent local elites, and all eventually collapsed. In every case the elites destroyed the polity and then destroyed themselves. The elites have never managed to move beyond short sighted greed. The archeological record is clear, from the first city-states to the present, the results never varies.

Given that elites have been trying unsuccessfully to bring everyone under their tenderhearted control for 9,000 years, one has to wonder, is there a fundamental limiting factor, or have we just not invented the correct sociopolitical structure?

How would it be organized, how would it be governed, what is the economic model? Currently the world’s largest governments can barely hold themselves together, the EU is spinning and wobbling, America has a government that is mostly inoperable. China, Russia and India all have serious problems. So what is the model for a One-World-Government? It appears that governments are already at their largest possible size. How do you get 7 billion people to follow a single government?

The writing of conspiracy theory folks gives us “Brave New World”, “1984”, and “The Hunger Games”. “The Lord of the Rings” had the common hobbit pitted against world domination by the Dark Lord Sauron. Other than magic rings and hypothetical mind control technology the practical nuances of world control is never outlined. Outside this short list of the best of the genre, the more numerous writings appear as paranoid rants. Most warning that we are mere weeks from being subjugated, the recent “Jade Helm 15” fantasy by the Texas governor being rather typical.

I think the NewWorldOrder threat is a fantasy, an acceptable fear used by some people to hold at bay the really scary stuff. The same people that are fearful of a supernatural all powerful government deny global warming. Both beliefs require acceptance of a worldview based on the impossible. The conspiracy fans gather in insulated bubbles and tell each other how super smart they are, claim to possess hyper-sharp critical thinking skills, and they call out for the rest of us to “wake up sheeple”. I find it all mildly entertaining, like watching the guy with a “The End is Near” sign dodging traffic.

That’s today’s thought from a hammock on an undisclosed Caribbean beach.

Monday, November 2, 2015

Is there a liberal bias in the MSM

     One basic republican dogma is the theory stating that the American media is ideologically liberal and antithesis to a conservative message. Currently, this republican “truth” is driving a change in the RNC debate rules. In order to become a moderator at a republican debate you must prove you will only vote for a republican in any election.

     According to Joe Scarborough, the host for the popular talk show “Morning Joe”, the liberal MSM is tyrannically ruled by George Stephanopoulos from ABC. George uses some secret method to command all of the liberal American journalist, Joe Scarborough revealed this nefarious conspiracy on November 2, 2015 in a political debate during his show “Morning Joe”. He provided supporting arguments from Ted Cruz.

     I have avoided this debate with conservatives because they accept the MSM storyline hook, line and sinker. Questioning the dogma is like trying to tell a fundamental American Christian that the Muslim Allah is the same as the Christian God, that both religions share the same Abrahamic roots. Question either dogma and you will be at least vilified or possibly gunned down.

     In my search for unbiased proof for this liberal bias I came up empty handed. I did find studies by right-wing think tanks that “proved” the left-wing bias in all media except for a fair and balanced Fox News. Any study that finds Fox, One America News and Newsmax as unbiased has a measurement problem. There are studies by PhD’s from Harvard, MIT, University of Texas and Stanford that found no bias. You can reach your own conclusion about what that means.

     I will propose a different theory about the MSM liberal bias. It is capitalism at work.

     Broadcast and printed media is ruled by ad revenue, all decisions trace back to the corporate balance sheet. Executives review their income statement, study the demographics of their potential audience and then issue their marching orders. Rupert Murdock realized there was money in monopolizing the 20% of the market that is right-wing, while NBC/CBS/ABC focused on the 70% that prefers the middle, leaving about 10% for Rachel Maddow. All very honest capitalist decisions, politics is, at best, incidental.

     The right-wing dogma of liberal bias is ultimately self-destructive, refusing to debate on the Spanish Telemundo cable just alienates the Spanish electorate, insisting on hard right-wing moderators throwing soft balls just makes the debate boring. Protecting the candidates from “gotcha” questions will litter the republican political landscape with weak nominees unprepared for Vladimir Putin or Angela Merkel, will this candidate complain of liberal bias when the Turkish president Erdogan calls out American imperialism?

     Commitment to the purity of any false dogma shuts off the pragmatism required for effective governance.

Monday, August 17, 2015

This week in the news

This week in the news.

It is a busy life, places to go and things to do, few have the extra time to keep up with all that is happening, so, as an aid to my world-wide readership (both of you), I thought I’d help out by giving a short capsule of this week’s news.

-          The committee to “Keep Austin Weird” recently discovered that Austin is surrounded by Texas. The committee’s chairperson called for emergency meetings to determine the root cause of this crisis and any possible solutions.

-          Scientist have recently discovered a new category of fact resistant humans. Early results from the research indicates this disease is viral based and highly communicable at political gatherings.

-          In another crisis caused by Global Warming, a fire breathing bipedal dragon buried in the 1950’s by Japanese scientist has escaped from thinning artic ice.

-          In related news, Superman’s “Fortress of Solitude” was broken into by a fire breathing Japanese dragon.

-          Donald Trump is the leading candidate among republican presidential hopefuls.

-          The TEA party has released a new play aimed at recruiting someone from the millennial generation. The play is titled “When I was your age, Son!”

-          Professionals with the Rush Limbaugh “Excellence in Science Institute” working with OPEC experts have released the top five scientific reasons Global Warming is not real:

o   Scientist cannot measure temperature.

o   Physical experiments conducted in laboratories have no meaning.

o   Jesus is micromanaging the earth.

o   We are entering a new ice age.

o   Science is democratic propaganda.

o   Guns don’t kill. (Doesn’t really fit with the global warming meme, but our followers really love hearing this so we include it in everything we write)

o   The Laws of thermodynamics proves weather is fake.

o   Ah… did I say there would be 5 reasons? Numeracy is so over rated.

o   The full research paper is awaiting peer review.

-          Unhappy homosexuals are reporting identity crisis when referred to as gay.

-          Joseph Stalin, founder of the former Russian Soviet Empire, is still dead. Doctors report his condition as “stable”.

-          The dangers of Global Warming just keep coming, Dr. Doom, the dastardly mastermind of one-world-government was forced to relocate from Antarctic glaciers to an extinct volcano on a desert island, which she leased from the Weather Channel.

-          The super heroes club had its super-secret Artic ice castle float away, becoming a hazard in the shipping lanes.


So, there you go, you are now a highly informed person, ready for any water cooler conversation.