This week in the news.
It is a busy life, places to go and things to do, few have
the extra time to keep up with all that is happening, so, as an aid to my world-wide
readership (both of you), I thought I’d help out by giving a short capsule of
this week’s news.
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The committee to “Keep Austin Weird” recently
discovered that Austin is surrounded by Texas. The committee’s chairperson
called for emergency meetings to determine the root cause of this crisis and
any possible solutions.
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Scientist have recently discovered a new category
of fact resistant humans. Early results from the research indicates this
disease is viral based and highly communicable at political gatherings.
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In another crisis caused by Global Warming, a
fire breathing bipedal dragon buried in the 1950’s by Japanese scientist has
escaped from thinning artic ice.
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In related news, Superman’s “Fortress of Solitude”
was broken into by a fire breathing Japanese dragon.
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Donald Trump is the leading candidate among republican
presidential hopefuls.
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The TEA party has released a new play aimed at recruiting
someone from the millennial generation. The play is titled “When I was your age,
Son!”
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Professionals with the Rush Limbaugh “Excellence
in Science Institute” working with OPEC experts have released the top five scientific
reasons Global Warming is not real:
o
Scientist cannot measure temperature.
o
Physical experiments conducted in laboratories have
no meaning.
o
Jesus is micromanaging the earth.
o
We are entering a new ice age.
o
Science is democratic propaganda.
o
Guns don’t kill. (Doesn’t really fit with the
global warming meme, but our followers really love hearing this so we include
it in everything we write)
o
The Laws of thermodynamics proves weather is
fake.
o
Ah… did I say there would be 5 reasons? Numeracy
is so over rated.
o
The full research paper is awaiting peer review.
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Unhappy homosexuals are reporting identity
crisis when referred to as gay.
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Joseph Stalin, founder of the former Russian
Soviet Empire, is still dead. Doctors report his condition as “stable”.
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The dangers of Global Warming just keep coming,
Dr. Doom, the dastardly mastermind of one-world-government was forced to
relocate from Antarctic glaciers to an extinct volcano on a desert island, which
she leased from the Weather Channel.
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The super heroes club had its super-secret Artic
ice castle float away, becoming a hazard in the shipping lanes.
So, there you go, you are now a highly informed person,
ready for any water cooler conversation.
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