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Tuesday, December 29, 2015

2016 New Year Wish List


Ring out the old and bring in the new. Goodbye 2015, hello 2016. You can’t run from the future so you might as well run toward it, embrace the future. These are my humble wishes for the New Year.

-          Hillary wins.

-          Hillary selects me as vice-president, then resigns as President.

-          I declare world peace, decree free everything to everyone, close Gitmo, confiscate all guns, and commit the entire federal budget to NASA.

-          Federal tax code is rewritten to no more than 10 pages.

-          Politicians stop complaining about the national debt and start paying it off.

-          I select Elon Musk as vice-president and then retire to Cape Canaveral.

-          Republicans admit defeat then self-deport.

-          ISIS leads a peaceful reformation of Islam.

-          There is an eighth Harry Potter book.

-          My neighbor will return that lawn mower he borrowed last spring.

-          I get a discount on mower repair.

-          Republicans will discover that Obama is not Muslim.

-          2016 will be the hottest year yet, but only during winter time.

-          The secret OneWorldGovernment still won’t exist.

-          The Houston Texans win more than they lose.

-          The Houston Texans find a good quarter back and a great running back.

-          Paleontologist find the missing link and the young-earth creationist apologize to the rest of us.

-          Physicist figure out what actually banged during the Big Bang.

-          Horticulturist develop a new wheat that taste exactly like prime steak.

-          I quit smoking.

-          Physicians discover that biscuits and gravy cures diabetes.

This is my short list of 2016 wishes, feel free to add your own dreams. Let there be peace on earth, goodwill to all.

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